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Possibly the weirdest dream ever...

After two hours of insomnia I finally fell back asleep only to have one of the most whacked out dreams I’ve had in...well since my care bears/jabba the hut nightmares, Maybe even weirder. PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED OR COMMIT ME. 

It was Christine’s b-day (or something) and there was going to be a big celebration with a bunch of people, many of whom I didn’t know. It was on the coast somewhere and we all had to get into a smaller commuter airplane to get to the festivities. Christine was busy being social with all her friends/family, Cathy was absent for some reason so it was mostly just Raye and I. The plane ride was horribly awkward. Raye and I tried to sit together but we kept having to move because we were either getting blatantly hit on to downright harassed/molested (some guy put his cock in our hand while we were napping and at one point it got as bad a some dude cumming on us) and when we moved to another seat we’d get stuck with these people that looked like they had the plague and were coughing all over us. So, we’d switch back and forth between the horny jerks and the contagious people, not sure which was better.
 
Finally we land and we’re on the water in a place something like a mix between town in Lost Boys and Long Beach, WA. Raye and I are still fighting off horny jerks when we got to the beach where everyone was lining up to do the first activity, horse-back riding. It’s my turn in line and I’m about to mount my horse when I realize that all the horses are not walking/trotting galloping, they’re just standing there with two puppies tied to each foot and the 8 puppies are holding up the weight of the horses and the people riding the horses. They were adorable little puppies that were dieing left and right under the weight. The beach was littered with dead puppies!! I was apparently the only person who had a problem with this and started freaking out, trying to save the puppies. I pulled one from under a horse and it died in my hands...I was very upset but holding its little lifeless body and looking the ones all over made me feel so helpless that I just gave up and left the beach in disgust.
 
I went to the beach house to go play on the internet and was interrupted by an older couple who decided to engage me in conversation starting off by quoting scripture at me. I try to be nice but they keep giving me Bible verses while I try to nicely say “I wouldn’t know, I was brought up secular.” I tried not to say I was an atheist but they just wouldn’t stop. As we start to get into a theological argument, more and more people join in and I’m relived to find that in the midst of everyone arguing I make my move and slip away.
 
It’s dusk and I catch up with Christine, briefly, but she’s still busy. She tells me to stick around because the fireworks start at nightfall. The fireworks start and they do kick ass. This was the nice part of the dream. Afterwards, Christine runs off with her other friends or family or whomever. I’ve lost Raye long ago and so I’m by myself for a while, wandering the beach.
 
While meditating on what a bust of a party this is, other than the bad-ass fireworks display I’m approached and attacked by a vampire...And for whatever reason that vampire is Jerry Seinfeld. (which doesn’t make too much sense to me because I hate Seinfeld, always have). He’s about to bite me and I express “you gotta be kidding me. I have to deal with this now? Do you have any idea what my day has been like?” He stops and listens to me bitch about my day, the pervs, the puppies and the unnecessary theological argument. “You know, you’re all right. I’m not going to bite you,” he tells me, “It sounds like those people out there are the ones that have got to go.”
 
We shoot the shit for a while and I tell him about the perv guy and Vampire Jerry Seinfeld leaves and kills the perv guy that came on Raye and I on the plane. He returns to me and is all like. “That was fun. It feels good to do something right for a change.” Then he bites the proprietor of the horseback riding/puppy-killing establishment.
 
I catch up with Raye and she meets Vampire Jerry Seinfeld as well. I introduce her, they get along then she sends him off to go kill some one who had pissed her off during the fireworks (another rude perverted guy or something like that, he deserved it). He leaves to go take out that guy for her while the two of us stay back at the beach and have a conversation along the lines of...
            “How weird is that? Vampire Seinfeld is really nice.”
            “I know, right. I mean I’ve always hated his show but having him around as a vampire to do my bidding is pretty awesome.”
            “Of course we can’t tell him that we don’t like his show.”
            “Yeah, I mean why ruin a good thing? I’ll just swallow my pride and say it’s great if he asks.” It was a very Seinfeld-esque conversation.
 
Finally we get into a discussion about whether or not I should set Vampire Jerry Seinfeld on the Jesus freak couple. I realized that I had become a little mad with power and was enjoying all too much taking people out as I pleased. It didn’t seem right to kill the old Christian couple for what they believed in, as even though they were an annoyance to me, that was all. They weren’t physically violating me or killing puppies.
 
Then my alarm went off.

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