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I didn't come here to be insulted


Im in a weird mood. just bear with me...

Insult quotes!!

Ab Fab

Eddie: She’s so cold, I bet she has her period in cubes.

Patsy: You little piece of dribble piss

Patsy: You Little bitch troll from hell

Patsy: When Eds told me she was pregnant I told her to abort! ABORT, ABORT, ABORT!!! I said, "chuck it down the pan! Bring me...
Saffron: A knitting needle?
Patsy: ...A KNITTING NEEDLE!"

 

Blackadder

Baldrick: I want my mum!
Blackadder: Yes, it'd be good to see her. I should imagine a maternally-outraged gorilla could be a useful ally when it comes to the final scrap.

Blackadder: Thank you, George. But if you don't mind, I'd rather have my tongue beaten wafer-thin by a steak tenderiser, and then stapled to the floor with a croquet hoop.

George (referring to himself): Thicker than the large print edition of the complete works of Charles Dickens

 Blackadder: George, who’s using the family brain cell at the moment?

Black Books

Customer: Look, there's no other way to say this, but I didn't come in here to be insulted.
Bernard: Well, I didn't ask for the job of insulting you. In another life, we could have been brothers. Running a small, quirky taveria in Sicily. Maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other's time here in this dump. But it was not to be. So hop it

Bernard: You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Bernard: Half Iago. Half Mu-Manchu. All bastard

Bernard: No he still lives here, burrowed in like the tick he is, but he leaves every day. Everyday is another betrayal.

Bernard: Don't make me laugh... bitterly. Fran will fail, you will toil your life away and I will die alone upside down on the floor of a pub toilet.

 

Dr. Who

The Doctor: Funny little human brains... How do you get around in those things?
Rose Tyler: When he's stressed, he likes to insult species.
The Doctor: Rose, I'm thinking.
Rose Tyler: Cuts himself shaving, does half an hour on life forms he's cleverer than.

 

Faulty Towers

Basil Fawlty: [to a nurse] Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!

 

Basil Fawlty: You snobs! You stupid stuck up toffee-nosed halfwitted upperclass piles of...PUS!!!

Father Ted

Father Ted: Dougal, how did you get into the church? Was it like, "Collect twelve crisp packets and become a priest"?

The IT Crowd

Guy at theatre: Oh look at me I’m Irish, Me legs don’t work!

Mighty Boosh

Howard Moon: Put you in the '50s, you'd be imprisoned for being a witch. They'd lock you in a trunk!

Howard Moon: The wind is my only friend.
Wind: [whistling] I hate you.

Bob Fossil: If I want your opinion on anything... I'll run over myself with a truck!

Monty Python

Well, er, yes Mr. Anchovy, but you see your report here says that you are an extremely dull person. You see, our experts describe you as an appallingly dull fellow, unimaginative, timid, lacking in initiative, spineless, easily dominated, no sense of humour, tedious company and irrepressibly drab and awful. And whereas in most professions these would be considerable drawbacks, in chartered accountancy, they're a positive boon –Monty Python

Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: You can't expect to wield supreme power just 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Frenchman: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called Ah-thoor Keeng, you and all your silly English K-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-niggits! [makes taunting gestures at them]
Frenchman: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Angry man:
SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!

Young Ones:

Vyvyan's Mum: Well aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?
Vyvyan: Oh yeah. Uh, this is a friend of mine called Mike... uh... this is a friend of mine called Neil...
Neil: Hello.
Vyvyan: And that's a complete bastard I know called Rick.

 Vyvyan: You’re a complete bastard and we all hate you.

 Vyvyan: [Ripping up the introduction to The Good Life NO, NO, NO, NO! WE ARE NOT WATCHING THE BLOODY GOOD LIFE! BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY! I HATE IT! IT'S SO BLOODY NICE! FELICITY "TREACLE" KENDAL, AND RICHARD "SUGAR FLAVOURED SNOT" BRIERS! WHAT DO THEY DO KNOW? CHOCOLATE BLOODY BUTTON ADS, THAT'S WHAT! THEY'RE NOTHING BUT A COUPLE OF REACTIONARY STEREOTYPES, CONFIRMING THE MYTH THAT EVERYONE IN BRITAIN IS A LOVABLE MIDDLE CLASS ECCENTRIC, AND I! HATE! THEM! ]

Mike: That's a highly articulate outburst there, Vyv.

 

Vyvyan [panics]: Yes! As a matter of fact, I do, Rick! I really, really fancy you! And I wanna give you a big girly kiss on the bottom!
Rick [Creeped Out]: [stammers] You hear that, Mike? Vyvyan's gone all funny! He says he wants to kiss my bottom!Vyvyan: Did I say "kiss you on the bottom?" Oh, I beg your pardon, I meant to say "stick a pickaxe through your spinal column"!

End Transmission

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Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
gdanskwoman
Oct. 9th, 2008 02:44 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I was having an absolute shit of a day until I read this. Thank you.


Here's one more for ya from Black Books:

Manny: "You are a filth wizard. Look at this"
Bernard: "A pizza. I was going to warm it and eat it later. That's normal. Everyone does that. You're just looking for things now."
Manny: "And what are these? (indicates opened pizza box with hand)
Bernard: Wasps.


pandapropaganda
Oct. 9th, 2008 04:15 pm (UTC)
ha ha ha! "Dirty" :P

I'm glad I could cheer you up (with insults no less.)

How did i forget this one?

Manny: You think I should wash my beard?
Bernard: Yes, I think you should wash it. Then you should shave it off, nail it to a frisbee, and fling it over a rainbow.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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