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I hate life & hate myslef

Fuckme fuckme fuckme. I fucking suck. I can't believe I'm awake at 8 something on a Saturday morning. I couldn't sleep. All I could do was lie in bed and think about what an attractive idea it is to fill my pockets full of rocks and jump in the Puget Sound, or shoot my fucking face off. Luckily asphixiation scares me and I don't like guns.
I ruined a damn good thing last night. I ran my mouth off. I can't do anything right. Even my reproductive organs are against me. They decided that since I made them defunct with an IUD they're just gonna make sure I'm never allowd to get laid. Not that that was in the cards last night. I told him I fancied him and he went a runnin;. Literally he went to go catch his bus right after that. You know things that are left unpoken you can leave unspoken, Mir. Goddamnit! Tell that to drunk miranda, she wont listen, anyway.Oh well , so no naughty deeds in various areas of the church after all, not like I had the balls to go through with it anyway. I hate myself and I suck. I think I just ditched Cathy, Raye and chris at the bar after John left and just hit up every bar on 15th on the way home. Ug that's not healthy. oh well I hate myself I hate the world and I want out of town. I need a change of scenery. I wanna go to Vancover. If I were more impulsive I'd hop on a train. I need Canada just about now. I'm overdue for a shot holiday. Lord knows I don't wnat to go back to work. Fuck fuck fuck. Even though they just got back from vacation maybe I'll call the rents and see if they want to go to Vancoover again this September before the next show starts at the Schmee. I want outta here and hide from my mistakes, run away from what a fuckin' unloveable drunk I am. Fuck fuck fuck.

Fine whatever. Today has been put aside for gradschool type stuff anyway. What could be more inspiring to get my punk ass to London than, aparently burning my bridges in Seattle? I NEED to do well and get a change of scenery. Yes. get over the hangover with some coffee and later some mac and cheese and then FOCUS on getting to London instead of just sitting around and watching Dr. Who or Brittish comedy. Make it happen, Mir. Get it together. Forget boys. Forget work. Fuck everything except The Girls (tm) and the goal to get across the pond. Nothing esle matters. Get out of here. Time is tight. You ain't getting any younger...



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 30th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC)
Miranda, you're smart, funny and cute, don't let one boy not returning your crush get you so down! It's part of life.
Sep. 2nd, 2008 06:14 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I know that's life. I just dont like embarassing myself, though one would think I'd be used to it by now. C'est la vie.
Aug. 30th, 2008 05:00 pm (UTC)
Mir, I'm sorry you're so down on yourself just now. It's happened to me; and it's happened to better men than me. As the old saying assures us, "this too shall pass away."

So you tell a guy you find him attractive and he splits? Given the limited information you've provided, I'd say he -- not you -- has a problem. I know that doesn't help, at least not now, but you're an attractive and interesting person who deserved much better treatment than that.

Sep. 2nd, 2008 07:32 pm (UTC)
Re: Alas!
Thanks, mr. cat.

It just sucks becasue I feel embarassed and I work with the bloke. So it's going to make for an awkward work environment for both of us and it's all my fault. i Shouldn't have ruined the good thing I had going by opening my big mouth.

Oh well time heals I guess. Award for a month or so it'll pass.
Aug. 30th, 2008 09:35 pm (UTC)
Bah, lame, I thought he sounded cooler than that. I'm sorry he disappointed you, dude. :(
Sep. 2nd, 2008 07:35 pm (UTC)
Thanks, man. :)
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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