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The urge to purge


I’ve got a lot of purging to do I’ve wanted to blog for a while but haven’t been able to. I’m not even sure how to organize all the crap I want to say.

 

The past

After volunteering at the library on Wednesday, I went to Lottie’s Lounge where I knew Josh, a former Tablethead, works/manages. I dig seeing old Tablet peeps. It was something that took 1/3rd of my life for a handful of years and now I’m mostly out of touch with most peeps, with the exception of on-line connection. Nostalgia is such a weird thing for me as I get older, I’m sure it’s the case for many. I look back and go “aww the good old days” but then at the same time, there are some elements in life that are much better for me now. For example I was flattered that I was not easily recognized at the bar at first at all. I look and feel better and have much more confidence now than I did then. But I miss the old days and being a part of something I was proud of. I think volunteering at the Library is probably serving the community better but I think Tablet is more selfishly rewarding and way more fun (I mean wine at meetings and putting on benefit shows, Clinc nights. Good times.)
 

Speaking of the past, getting roped back into the theatre is fun sometimes. I left the apartment since the negative energy from Raye’s reaction to the Seahawks Game was too much, and went to strike at the theatre. I helped put legs on platforms and got to play with power tools. It was like old times. Funny with a little instruction, after growing up in that environment, even after years of being away from it, stuff like striking a set is kinda like riding a bike.

 

The relative present

The Girls™ had to abandon the “Team Pander to the Gay Vote” idea this year for our Halloween costumes. It wasn’t going to work out for all parties. Although I’m bummed I can’t be Bowie, I’m grateful that the pressure is off of me. I didn’t want to half-ass my Bowie costume but when I started looking around I realized it wasn’t going to be easy...or cheap. So the news that our plan wasn’t going to work, my pocket book was relieved. I was also invited to a Dr. Who theme party the night before Halloween and I figured out a way to do a two-way costume. For the Dr. Who party I’m going to be the Kylie Monogue character in the Titanic Christmas Special.

Then for Halloween proper I can re-use the French Maid dress change the hair and such and be Magenta from Rocky Horror (which I’ve wanted to do for years). It works out even better as Raye is down for being Columbia (and already has the hair for it.) I don’t know what we’re doing yet, apart from freezing our asses off looking fabulous and getting hammered, but Raye and I are going to be a pair of (different) hot redheads for Halloween. 
 

 

Saturday I got my outfit, then Raye and I went to H&M and did more shopping. You couldn’t tell the economy was in the shitter from the looks of H&M Saturday afternoon, it was madness. But I needed new clothes, I’m still wearing the same shirts I’ve had since high school. New clothes is a good thing and I got some cute stuff for a fair price (including a new school girl outfit, fuck yeah).

 

The uneasy future...(or, wealth doesn’t trickle down, but shit sure seems to)

I’m seriously worried about my plans for grad school what with the economy collapsing. I don’t want to worry. I remember before I had made my firm decision, I was talking to Samuel expressing how I wanted to further my education but the state of the world made me scared. He gave me a pep-talk and set me right and I decided to go for it. Now things are getting worse, the bail out hasn’t seemed to help and it’s entirely plausible that I will not be able to get a loan for school even if I get accepted. Even though it costs less than what I spent for my Undergrad, it’s still thousands more than what I got and I was expecting to borrow to get over there. Now I don’t know. I’m not going to give up, I’ve worked too hard and I’d hate myself for not trying. Sometimes I think it’s just the media scaring me (there were two articles in the Seattle Times about Student Loans and Student Loan debt and a segment on NPR last week.) Still I have to come to terms with the possibility that I’m likely (more likely now than I was when decided to pursue this endeavor) to NOT succeed in getting to London for school. I need a plausible plan B. I have a short term plan, but as far as what the fuck to do with my life plan B I’ve got nothing, really.

 

It sucks too because I’ve been a good girl about my debt. I pay every month the same I pay in rent as I do in student loans. My whole rebate check (fat load of good that did the economy, Mr. Bush) went to my credit card debt and I was so pleased on Friday to get my credit card down to under a thousand this month. I could have that bad boy gone completely in 10 months or less (in time, I figured, to rack it up again with a one way ticket to London I had planned.) We shall see. I think it’s safe to be cautious but not let fear overwhelm me or be overly nihilistic about things.

 

Random Panda:

  • My newsies hat flew off in the wind on Saturday and I almost killed myself running into the street at 12th and Pike to retrieve it. Hat and Mir are both okay. No worries there.
  • Apparently the time I was doing box office a few weeks ago, someone sent along the message that eventually got to Teri of “who is that redhead doing box office? Could you give her my e-mail” HA! That’s flattering. Go team Mir. Perhaps I shouldn’t have bolted after the show started, I could’ve gotten a drink bought for me.

Comments

( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
antigrl117
Oct. 7th, 2008 03:21 am (UTC)
dude don't give up on grad school. (although i'm worried that the bottom will drop out and i will have no money for my second year of grad school). if you have good credit it will be easier to get alternative loans and whatnot...hopefully...haha.

i got kind of pissed at the comments to the debt articles in the seattle times. it seemed like there were a WHOLE bunch of people being like "well that kid is stupid for going to an expensive school, live within your means, blah blah blah i pulled myself up by my bootstraps." omg...i was annoyed.
pandapropaganda
Oct. 7th, 2008 03:46 pm (UTC)
I'm not going to give up. I'm still going to apply and see what happens. If I get in and can't get money, I'll have to see if I can defer for a yer or something. Luckily, the benefits of the UK thins is that I don't have to take the GRE and so that saves a bit and it doesn't look like there's application fees at the schools I'm looking at (I could be wrong on that) so really I've got nothing to loose in applying.
pandapropaganda
Oct. 7th, 2008 05:25 pm (UTC)
oh yeah and as far as "living w/in your means" etc. fuck those people with a big rubber dick! Education is crazy expensive but it's an investment in yourself (how awesome is that?) Something about that statement is offiesive to me becasue it implies that becasue I'm not wealthy (and my family is not wealthy) that I don't deserve a good education and fuck that. grr. Yeah I think we are on the dame page on that one.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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