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I Amuse Myself with Petty Triumphs

This morning, walking to work I crossed with the lights at 14th ave and ended up on the North side of Pike St rather than South. Not quite where I wanted to be but I could catch a light later I figured. Then between 13th & 12th this bitch in a terrible outfit speed-walked past me. Oh Hell No! It was ON!

I fought the urge, my first instinct, to throw my gym bag at her head, knock her down, grab my bag back as I passed her and then run like hell down the hill. Instead, I took the advantage of the red light on 12th and crossed to the proper side of Pike I needed and race this bitch from afar, sportsman like. It was a tight race. She was slightly ahead of me up to Broadway (but I had construction to contend with) and we both had two steps out into the street before the light even turned green, obviously both on top of our game in anticipation. I gained some momentum and pulled ahead shortly after passing Harvard. I was in full on competitive mode and taking it very seriously. In my mind I tore the girl down. Yeah, take that stupid, purple-leggings-hipster -bitch! Maybe you should wear some real shoes instead of those stupid ugly gold flats. Yeah, apparently I get really mean about people’s clothes when I get in walking races with them, as if I’m a pillar of forward fashion. If I wasn’t tearing her down in my head I was narrating the race in my mind. And Mir pulls up but hipster bitch is right on her tail. As you can see she has her game face on, she’s been out of the game on account of the snow but she’s been training at the gym.

Funny thing is I was thinking all these terrible things about this person I’ve never spoken to, and she probably didn’t even know she was in a race. Maybe she did, because she put up a good fight. I had a good lead until I got caught at the light on Melrose and we were once again tied. Luckily, I had the advantage as being on the South side of the street I had the inside of the turn. I walked briskly, not slowing down at the block I usually sow down at when the sidewalk is slippery. I had a good lead worked up right before Boren and by the Boren bus stop the light was still green. If I could catch that light, the win was mine. I stepped in the street about half way through the blinky red hand signal and hauled ass running across the street. The bitch was left behind. If she was aware that she was racing she would be cursing me, for sure. It was a perhaps sneaky but totally legal play. I continued down Pike and officially claimed my mental reward, some kind of imaginary tinker tape parade and wild cheers, as I veered off the street and up the stairs to cut through Freeway Park.

 I showed up to work triumphant, a couple minutes shaved off my walk time, and more sweaty than usual.


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 6th, 2009 06:10 pm (UTC)
This is AMAZING. I was just dying with laughter here. I'm so glad someone has finally admitted they do this. ;D hehehehe. Do you mind if I re-post it in my journal??
Feb. 6th, 2009 07:13 pm (UTC)
he he he. I'm glad you liked it, and sure you can re-post. I'm glad to have affirmation that I'm NOT the only person who does this. Sweet! Oh yeay!
Feb. 6th, 2009 07:30 pm (UTC)
Ha ha ha, how funny.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 6th, 2009 10:01 pm (UTC)
Awwww. Thanks. :)
Feb. 6th, 2009 10:55 pm (UTC)
You rock Mir...that is all!
Feb. 6th, 2009 11:02 pm (UTC)
Mind you, I wouldn't have bloged about said inncodent had I lost the race. :P
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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