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So tired but...


Tonight for class I had to go to this special screening at SU of this film Poetry in War. Now I don't dig poetry and I think poets can be very self absorbed and arrogant but the film was actually quite well done, emotional and thought provoking. I came out TOTALLY FUCKING DEPRESSED! After the flim, with the Q&A portion my advisor in the English department raised a good question which I just have to paraphrase. Remember before the countdown to war. Remember when the war was not yet a reality but just the possibility of a pre-emptive strike? Remember all the protests that took place around that time before the war happened? Granted it didn't work out and we've been at war for over a year now and what the fuck happened to those protests? (That last question was basically her question, though more ellequently spoken what coming from a lady with a doctroate and all) But it's a good question and it got me thinking. More and more people are dieing every month in Iraq, and yet we're not doing anything. Where did that momentum go? It's like once Bush started the war that voice screaming against it grew fainter and fainter, even though I think the same amount of people still feel the same way. If not more after the WMD's were proved to be bogus, and it's been proven that Sadam and Osama had no ties. And yet...we've done nothing. Perhaps the left decided to just focus on the election and put all our hopes on the prospect that we could beat Bush by escersizing our democratic right. But in recent months people have lost hope, myself included. Shit, two days ago I decided it was a damn fine idea to look into grad schools in Canada! I'm quilty too. With that thought I got more depressed as I sat there on campus smokin' a cigarette waitin to get picked up so I could catch the re-run of the debates I missed. I hope Kerry wins and will put an end to the Neo-con take over of America, and I will hold that hope through the election while I make my vote. But just in case that doesn't work out what are we gonna do. If we continue to just fuckin' lay over like we have in the past few years then we're done for...and they will destroy our country. What will it take to awaken us from our pseudo-apathy. Would it take a draft for my fellow college students to not just make sarcastic comments, bitch over a cigarette or attend a lecture provided by thier liber-art school but to fuckin'...storm the whitehouse. How do we get our anger channeled away from LJ, out of the coffee shops and on to the streets? Or at least pointing towards Washington? I thought and I thought about that. But I don't know. Then I thought about all those hippy-ass muthafuckas down in Ollympia and all those things that Stephanie said to me. She had that arrogant poet thang going on that this film had a bit of too. This idea that poetry can stop the war but I don't buy it. I went down to Ollympia to visit around the time before the "countdown" to war and they all went to coffee shops to read thiir poetry on a mic and feel good about themselves for doing it. It pissed me off. It pisses me off even more now. These muthafuckas in office don't give a shit about poetry and it's nice that you think free-verse is stronger than the forces of greed and power, you're idealism is boardering on the delusional. I thought about how Stephanie was all "I hate America" I don't really hate America either. I love Seattle. I love my home and Seattle is part of America. Now that I've traveled a bit there were things about this city and this country that I missed. Things I didn't miss too of course like middle America. I don't like Bush's America, or my grandparents out in colorado, thier America is the fuckin' cowboy, Christian, arrogant America that I want nothing to do with. Cascadia is looking better and better with each passing day. (more thoughts on that later if I'm still awake) Then I thought about Cliff, who I'll probably never see again even if he does make it back from Iraq. I'm sick of hearing Bush tell me that my life is safer becasue Sadam's no longer in power and it makes me want to tear my hair out. He was not really a threat to me, not a nice guy I'm aware but had no level of grave importance in my life. Actually I bet from the late ninties on to after 9-11, the only time I thought about him was when he was "in" the South Park movie bangin' Satan! But you know who I did know? Cliff. And Cliff is someone who has been taken away from me and my friends for this war and not only does that effect me, it pisses me of. I'm safer, mr bush? I'd be much happier not checking the list of who died in Iraq to make sure my old friend isn't on it. So I'm going to sleep now. Oh yeah Watched the debates and Bush acted and debated like a child. He got so defensive and pissed off. I loved the fact that he said multiple times in fact. "It's hard work" witch is the equivilant of saying *in child-like-valley -girl-esqe-voice* "Being President is HARD" he he he He also made the same 5 points over and over and over, like he got nothin' esle. So maybe things are looking up for Mr. Kerry. He certianly came off tonight as a Master-Debater :)

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
mandyesque
Oct. 1st, 2004 01:06 pm (UTC)
Starting in January I'll be checking the lists for my kid brother, my boyfriend, and my upstairs neighbor.

This is hell.
pandapropaganda
Oct. 1st, 2004 03:35 pm (UTC)
Damn. I'm so sorry.
This all sucks so much.
mandyesque
Oct. 2nd, 2004 02:40 pm (UTC)
Yep. But we're surviviors.

We'll make it through somehow. We always do.
(Deleted comment)
mandyesque
Oct. 2nd, 2004 02:41 pm (UTC)
*hugs* Thanks for the e-support.

This war has hurt too many people. I just want it to be over soon.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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