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Today's Rant: WTF is up with gum?

I don’t mean to sound old or nothin’ but when the hell did buying gum get so damn overwhelming!?

So I’m at Dimples in Union Square for my afternoon caffeine run. However, I’ve got a wee bit of a sweet tooth as well. For some reason the thought of gum strikes my fancy and I end up  in the huge gum section of this otherwise tiny store. Seriously the gum section was three shelved deep and about two and a half paces long!  Whatever happened to bubble flavor, mint, the acquired taste odd balls like juicy fruit and big red, and your assorted Bubilicious fruit flavors. I’ve always been keen to the Bubilious Watermelon flavor which I couldn’t find, but I found three other watermelon, one with a hit of pear, one with other melon flavors cantaloupe and honeydew) and only one plain watermelon which was so strong the smell permeated the box and the plastic wrapper around it it made me a little nauseous when I picked it up to investigate the price. (And when the HELL did gum become $2 a pack?) Seriously, one whole row of gum was all just this, fruit flavors of every possible combination, with slight variances. Apple & Blackberry, Citrus Delight with extra Mango, Kiwi, Strawberry Bannana and...LIME,  etc. etc.

Thern of course there were the even more complicated ones than that. Say you’re not the kind of person who likes your flavors to mix well then the layered gum is the gum for you! Have your kiwi and then ten minutes later enjoy that strawberry and later banana to top it all off. Of course within that type of gum theres five or six flavor combination. There’s even the kind with the gel filling that apparently ejaculates flavor from the center with the first bite! Then there’s the one with the little hard crystals in them. Seriously the gum market has gone post-modern. Everything has been fucking done! Every flavor, every texture, every possible combination is available. Do we really need to be THAT catered to? As a consumer I don’t know how to handle that much choice. It overwhelms me. Instead of thinking what flavor do I want I have to find a flavor combination and decide if I want the gum to cause little metallic explosions in my mouth or cum in it. That’s too much choice. I longing for the days when we were still in the modernist gum period. Those were the days. A period where we were sophisticated enough to understand that, yes, there is a difference between Spearmint and Winter Fresh, without a doubt, but we hadn’t gone to such absurd flavor and texture abstractions that we’d be willing to buy every product from the reject pile of Willy Wonka’s gum department.


I never thought I’d say this but maybe it’s time to speak out for simplicity. This is just another example of capitalism & consumerism making the world just a little bit more of a mad, mad place. We think the business are catering to our needs. But really all I needed was a little five stick pack of gum for quarter or fifty cents. This option is no longer available, in fact, there was nothing under two dollars. Beyond that I literally spent seven minutes trying to decide what gum I should buy. SEVEN MINUTES! That’s seven minutes of my life stolen.  You know what I could have been doing in that seven minutes? You guessed it, I could have been smoking a cigarette.



( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
May. 21st, 2010 09:33 pm (UTC)
also WTF is up with my fonts when I cut and paste from WORD into LJ?
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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