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LJ Dump--it's been a hell of a week

The last week, or at least since last Friday, has been an ongoing stream of roughness. I don't even know where to begin.

Student Loans
Friday morning I had gotten paid and went on-line to pay my student loans.The loans from London had finally hit and I, for the first time knew what my monthly payments were going to be. Now, I've got my private undergraduate loan I'm already paying which is $240 a month. Then I've got my undergraduate federal loan I've been paying of $114. But that one I was able to apply to consolidate with my graduate federal loans so that one I should not have to pay to that company anymore but the new company (more on that later). Well, my graduate student loan (for London) the payments would be $632 a month. So my monthly student loan ding would be $872. I'm working part time at the theatre and, for a while anyway, 12 hours a week at the daycare. I don't make that in a month right now, and if I do I would barely make that. I freaked out, started crying, feeling so very overwhelmed. It was in the back of my mind all day.I was panicked and stressed out but also really mad at myself for not having a job right now. I talked with Andy about it when I got home and got a bit snippy with him because I was so stressed out. Resolved that there was nothing I could do about it till I called on Monday morning. Come Monday, I called and was eligible to apply for unemployment deferment for the graduate loans which kicked in within 24 hours. However, though the consolidation of the $114 loan went through to the new company, the former company was saying I still have to pay them for it until their bureaucracy catches up. I paid for March, the consolidation went through on March 21st and they're saying I still have to pay for April? The loan amount was paid in full by the other company, I shouldn't owe them a dime but the person at the Indian call center insisted I do. Fuck that. Finally, when dealing with all this business Monday morning, I obviously forgot that I had scheduled a payment for my $240 student loan bill on Friday morning and then went and paid it again, they both went through and now I'm overdrawn. Wonderful.

Stomach Flu
Sunday night, after coming home from having dinner with the rents, Andy started feeling really sick. I wont go into the details but I will say there was some unpleasantness involved. The poor guy was up all night being sick, this sickness that basically causes you to expel everything from the abdomen any way it can with violent force and urgency. He stayed home on Monday and Tuesday and had been taking it easy. I took care of going to the store to get him OJ and yogurt to replace the natural cultures. Then Tuesday night I got hit with the same exact symptoms Andy had on Sunday and spent a whole sleepless night being sick. It was awful. I would have settled for empathy or even sympathy pains, but no, I got to experience the unpleasantness myself first hand. So I called in sick to the daycare on Wednesday. Andy went into work but passed out and had to be taken home, which he's really embarrassed about. I had an interview scheduled for this morning. So I made sure to get a good nights sleep (I also slept most of yesterday) and tough it up and go. I was all dressed up and about 8 minutes shy of walking out the door when I was called by the place, told that the HR woman was out sick and needed to reschedule. Just my luck, eh? It's probably for the better, I can be more prepared this way. I'm going to put in work at the daycare today but not tend bar at the theatre. I've got another job interview tomorrow morning and don't want to push myself too hard.

Job Hunt
The job hunt is still on, obviously. When I was feeling bad about myself and the stress of student loans I was really down on myself for not getting anything yet. I went back through my e-mails and calendar and counted out the following. I've had 10 in-person interviews, 8 phone interviews, 2 interviews with recruiting agencies and only one second interview. So I've struck out 18 times. Last week I had an interview for a job I really wanted and the interview was going really well until I was upfront about my lack of vehicle or driver's liscence. I said I would learn how to drive, probably sounding desperate. Then, the more I thought about it, I don't know how in the cards that would be financially. It would cost so much money to get insurance, get a car, pay for registration, gas. Every time I lose a job because my lack of vehicle (about 3 now) I think Ok, fine, now's it's apparently a necessity. It's time you finally get it together and do this. But then when I think about it practically, all the expenses on what little money I make, I remember why I never bothered with it in my adult life. I can't pay for a car, I've got student loans to pay, man.

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November 2017


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