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Hodge Podge: Rambling into the Void

Ugh, I've been wanting to post for a while now but haven't been able to really pinpoint a specific thing I want to talk about  in-depth so this is going to be an update of various things going on in my life/mind.

After a quick binge on Stranger Things (loved it!) Andy and I finally joined this decade and started watching Orange is the New Black and are totally addicted. Addictive is an apt term for it. Since we started there has only been one day that we haven't watched at least one episode. Dishes have gone undone for a while, the recycling was piling up. The opening title song would be stuck in my head all day long until it was time to come home and watch some episodes. Actually, I had a prison theme going on last week as we got into OITNB and the Audible book I was "reading" was 'The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness' (highly recommended). I was already on board with the thesis before reading the book. Clearly, the War on Drugs and our inflated incarceration population is a terrible blight on this country and our legal system and the legal discrimination of felons makes for a catch 22 that traps people in the criminal justice system. One knows that there is a problem however, it's another thing to learn the history and the specific laws and Supreme Court rulings that brought us to this place. The author also points out a few ways in which our culture turns a blind eye to this, that I honestly had never noticed before and found very interesting, albeit infuriating and depressing.

Andy and I finally heard back from our rep at the property management company. We ended up lucking out and only had to swallow a $100 rent increase. That was a huge relief and a weight of stress off our shoulders. Another year in our home, another year of gardening and documenting spooky shit (it's been quiet as of late) and we don't have to freak out until this time next year. And, yes we will freak out again. Unless we come up with a plan to come up with the down payment for a house (unlikely).

I'd be remiss if I didn't post a gardening update. The summer is waning. The plants were producing like crazy, faster than we could keep up but it's slowing down now. I made eggplant parmesan with the eggplant that we grew, that was pretty neat. The cucumbers were growing so quickly we were pawning them off on co-workers and Dani. But we've noticed the green beans are getting a bit tougher. The Zucchini aren't coming to fruition. The tomatoes are doing well, but before long I'm going to miss going out and just picking a fresh tomato off the vine when it's time to make a sandwich or something. I'm bummed that, due to our former tenuous situation with the rent increase, we missed out on planting autumn gourds. (I wanted butternut squash, boo). However, we did plant some autumn plants--cauliflower and broccoli--so we still have something to experiment with and care for in the next few months, as well as the brussels sprouts which are very slowly coming along. And of course, the good news about the rent means next year we can learn from this year's hits and misses and try again/try new things.

Harvest and carrots in love.


So I had my review and it was all good. It was the same feedback that I got a couple of months ago. In short, I'm awesome. I'm so awesome that my boss wants to aid my career development and support me in any kind of career development projects I want to take on in this position. I just need to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. My goal was to figure that out this summer. However,  thanks to the housing scare and going down that whole buying a house rabbit hole, I didn't really come to any conclusions on the bigger picture with the career question.  (Though, the housing issue was kind of related in the should we stay or should we go question.)

I'm still struggling with this question. I want help even though I know full well that I'm the only one who can answer it Most of my life the answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up" has been easy to answer. "I want to be a writer." That is the dream I pursued in my education. It is the dream that I have since learned the complications and uncertainty of this time of the interwebs and a dying print medium. It's a dream I have honestly been distracted from as comedy has taken over much of my spare time. I've not worked on a short story or anything in a while. (bad Mir)

I fell into admin work because a girl has got to have a day job. Things I like about it is that it offers a variety of things to do, usually. From creating sexy self-tabulating spreadsheets, to flexing my editing muscles, to actually getting a bit creative on occasion with document creation. I think it's fair to say I'm a damn good admin in the right position. (I've already established why I have no interest in supporting, say the President or the Board, on account of it seeming to business orientated and I have my class hang-ups.)

There's a part of me that thinks that if I were to be more career-oriented that it would come at the cost of my artistic outlet (be that writing or producing a comedy show). That might be my own hang-up, a fear that it's like giving up (read: FAILING) on my artistic aspirations. Not to mention those artistic outlets are necessary to my psychological well beeing.

Perhaps that fear is warranted if I choose a certain career direction. For example, if I chose to teach, since I know I would like to stay in education. Teaching is beyond a full-time job. If I choose this path I would use my employer to help me learn how to teach. So I'd have to take some classes and training in that area first. Taking a class on top of producing the show I could probably do, but it would be exhausting and maybe difficult at times. Then there is the amount of time teaching takes in and of itself, reading, critiquing, discussing, etc.Then if I were to teach a class here, wouldn't that commitment would probably be on top of my current job and more time outside of my 40 hours a week of my "day job". And who knows how long it would take for that to be sustainable. Would that even make me more $$$ than being an admin?

I also have other hang-ups regarding teaching. Clearly, I would be interested teaching English/writing. (With a Master's I'm qualified to teach community college level, at the kind of University I work at it would most likely be courses on college writing for mostly ESL students). However, I'm not confident enough in my knowledge of grammar to teach with authority. Despite my degrees, there's a reason that I have a grammar handbook that has followed me from my Freshman year in college to my desk at every job I've had, as well as across the pond for grad school. That's because often times I look at something I'm editing or writing and I'm just not sure what is right/what the rule is. I have to look it up. How would that look to a student if they asked a question and I didn't know the answer off hand? (Teacher friends maybe you have a trick you can let me in on for this). Also, though I have a fair share of irony in my life, it would be another irony that I would be helping students improve their academic writing, the kind of writing I was so pleased to never have to do again. (However, when I was doing homework help volunteering in Columbia City, I actually enjoyed helping the kids write their five paragraph essays. Even though they tried their hardest to try to get me to write it for them, it could sometimes be like pulling teeth to get them to commit to writing their original ideas).

One might ask about going back into marketing? it's honestly something I've been soured to in my last experience at the Travel agency. I think even if you were to separate all the bad stuff, I did get bored with writing about the same subject all the time. it got a bit tedious trying to find new ways to say the same thing over and over again. Although, it was fun at first to write articles and advertorials. But it still got old. i worry that writing in the day job sours me to writing for myself.

Then the other thing I wonder is it so wrong if maybe I were to stick with Admin work? I mean. I like it okay for a day job. I like varied projects. I like the feeling of helping people. Is that so bad? However, since I am kind of particular about where I enjoy my admin work, then is this as good as it gets. Say we move to a different town, a college town, do I just gotta hope there's an admin opening in academics or assistants to the provost? You know.

And there you have it. Around and around my mind goes on the subject, finding no definite answer to help me move forward in any one direction. I'm seriously considering seeking some career counseling and have already tried a couple of tricks of career counselors, like taking the Myers-Briggs test again. (One of the many ironies of my life, like working at the career Development Center of Seattle U after being so anti-career counseling in high school). Apparently, I'm an INFP now. (Though i give this test little stock as I was an INFJ when i took it in high school and an INTP in college. I mean I guess people change over the years, so maybe that's not fair.)  Actually, the career explanation for the INFP is almost too on the nose. "First and foremost is seemingly every INFPs' dream growing up – to become an author. While a novel is a classic choice, it is rarely an accessible one." Then it goes on to say some of the things I've been talking about, I want to be creative and helpful and meaningful. Despite it being on the nose, I'm not sure if that helps. I could have told myself that.

Maybe I just need to talk this out. If anyone has any advice or anything, I'd listen. That is, assuming anyone actually made it to the end of this crazy long, rambling blog which is probably unlikely.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Sep. 14th, 2016 10:50 pm (UTC)
I made it to the end
You'll figure out what's best for you love -- I have some ideas, but you kind of already know where I'm going with them :)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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