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In the last week we've spent a ridiculous amount of time on the phone with customer service agents. On Friday I was at work, listening to Audible on my phone while it was charging when my phone suddenly just shut off. I tried to turn it back on but it was stuck in an endless boot-up loop. I looked it up and apparently, this is a well-known issue with the LG4s. So when I got home Andy and I spent time on the phone with Verizon about the problem. (I had called them from work but, apparently, I was not authorized to do stuff as the account is in Andy's name).

The tech guy for Verizon was actually quite helpful and nice. We went through a series of attempts to get the phone past the bootup screens and stay working but to no avail. Because this was a known issue with this phone, I was approved for a replacement phone. They were going to send it out free of charge but I can't be without a phone for too long so we sprung for the expedited shipping. The nice Verizon guy gave us an order number with FedEx for the shipment of our phone. We were nervous about the phone delivery. Everything was free, but the catch was, if I didn't return the old phone within 5 days, we'd get charged $500!

There's been a lot of mail theft in our neighborhood and we wanted to ensure that we got the new phone safely so we had some special instructions for FedEx on the delivery of the phone. What we learned was the FedEx couldn't give a fuck about whether or not recipients receive their parcels, in fact, recipients don't even have a say on the delivery of their packages. When we learned that the parcel would have to be signed for we tried to change the address to my work since no one would be home at 10:30 am. We had to call Verizon and have them change the destination, which, they did. (Or we'll take their word that they did, we were given a confirmation number for it). Well, when we tracked the package the destination was still our home address. GRRRR.

Now on Monday Seattle had a snow day. The city pretty much shuts down when there's more than an inch of snow. So we spent part of our morning trying to figure things out with FedEx. Every time we called and gave our tracking order, they were quick to give excuses before we even mentioned what our issue was. "Ma'am there's a weather situation in Seattle..." "Yeah I know, I understand, I live here. I'm not expecting my parcel today, I want to arrange when it shows up tomorrow." We tried to arrange to have the package dropped off in the 5pm - 8pm window. The first time we called they said we had to do that on line. We said that wasn't an option. they said you had to be the sender to make those kinds of changes. We tried back later and the woman said she noted the changes and that we were good to go but I think that was a flat out lie to just get rid of us.

Tuesday was a crazy busy day for BOTH of us at work, making up for lost time due to the snow. Andy had a minute to check the tracking number and saw that they attempted to deliver at 10:30 at our home. Son of a bitch! Andy arranged to pick me up from work at the end of the day (which meant he had to leave work early) and we'd drive down to SODO to the FedEx hub to pick it up ourselves. When we got there the truck hadn't arrived from its route yet so we'd have to wait.

While we were waiting at FedEx, Andy got texts from Bank of America alerting him to identity theft on his accounts. Some punk ass in Oregon tried to take hundreds of dollars from his checking and savings account from an ATM and partially succeeded. We went back to the car and Andy called BofA. This was a good customer service experience. "Ebony in Deleware" was very helpful and sympathetic to Andy's plight. She reversed the charges where she could and filed the claims for the other charges. The town this charge came from was the one we stayed at in August on our way back from the Bay Area. We stayed at a hotel and went to a Sherries for late night dinner. It's a bit suspect that the ATM that was used in the fraud was across the street from the restaurant and block away from the hotel. Supposedly the culprit(s) are on camera. We hope they get caught.

Once that was all settled we went back into FedEx and waited some more. We waited and waited. We got some more excuses about the snow gumming up the FedEx works from the workers. As soon as Andy started going into what a clusterfuck this whole ordeal had been with FedEx, the guy all the sudden interrupted Andy with "oh! Looks like your package arrived. I'll go get that for you!" It might just be a coincidence, but the timing sure seemed like something out of a sitcom or comedy sketch.

I got my phone and saw that it didn't have a back and just to check and make sure, I called Verizon once again to make sure everything was kosher. Again, the girl was nice and understanding. "You don't want to accidently run into that phone return charge, I get it" she said.

Oh yeah, the icing on the cake with FedEx. When we checked the tracking # online it read "delivery attempted; see delivery slip for instructions." When we got home, the FedEx guy didn't even bother with a "we missed you" slip. I doubt he ever even came to our house. Fuckers.

I don't know what the moral of the story is. Verizon and BofA get good marks for treating us like paying customers and human beings with valid frustrations. FedEx can go fuck themselves. I know that 2 out of 3 ain't all that bad, but the shittier the service the more frustrating the ordeal.  I suppose but if I ever have to speak to a customer service rep or listen to hold music again it'll be too soon.


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