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Another lesson learned

Underneith all the bullshit, the hurtful words and the misunderstandings lies one truth.

When two friends can no longer agree on the terms of what constitutes as a reciprical fredship, there is no way to end it without both sides feeling betrayed.

That's all I can say on the matter for now.

love and kisses,



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 26th, 2006 05:04 pm (UTC)
I've found over the years that living my life based on my expectations of things I cannot control will only dissappoint me. And friendships really shouldn't be that tricky or fragile, they always evolve over time as the partners take different paths. The best friendships weather the changes, survive diverse circumstances, and continue despite obstacles. They last through people going to grad school in different states, wives, husbands and kids, through career and life changes, through struggles with addiction, accidents and injury, and even when your friend's music tastes change and they start listening to bad country. In the end I'd rather be let down by a friend who might not share my expectations (which I think is pretty common) rather than be let down by a friend who has become bitter, mean or completely self-serving. I think you have the former right now, unfortunately I have somewhat of the latter.
Jul. 27th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
This whole ordeal has been very dirty and unfortunate. Perhaps the fact that it has been fragile for the past four months is a sign that there is no such thing as BFF. In all honesty it's not about lifestyle changes at all, or not living up to expectations really. It's about the actions and words that have already come to pass rather than what is bound to happen, really.
(Deleted comment)
Jul. 27th, 2006 03:55 pm (UTC)
Re: Alas!
Thank you. You're so sweet, luv.
*hugs back*
Jul. 27th, 2006 02:57 am (UTC)
I'm very sorry to learn this has happened, Mir. There's no getting around the hurt and sadness — and the anger — which such a falling-out produces; and I extend my condolences to you on the apparent loss of such a close and meaningful friendship. This sure came like a bolt out of the blue, I must say!

Over time, the air may perhaps clear somewhat and you two can at least speak to one another again; and perhaps your friendship can eventually be renewed. Such an outcome depends, of course, upon how much you are willing to compromise. The other party must not be held to an accounting but rather must decide for themselves what to do.

That's not giving in: It's diplomacy, the ages-old method of resolving conflict. Don't lose hope! Let the dust settle and then send out feelers. Don't make it tit for tat, just take the initiative youself and avoid hasty conclusions.

Wait a while and then send a communication, favoring honey over vinegar but being truthful throughout. What mutual benefits did the friendship produce? What benefit did you derive from it? This is all very easy for me to say, but it wasn't easy for me to learn.

Jul. 27th, 2006 04:31 pm (UTC)
Re: Alas!
It didn't come out of the blue, actully. I just haven't been on-line to post about about the fear i've had of this eventuality I've had for the past four or five months.

I know I'm the bad guy for what I did and that's fine. It's probably good for me, to come to terms with there being more bad in me than i thought. I know that i've chosen my roll and it will be my responsibility to appoligize and her choice weather or not to accept it should I make that leap, but I don't know if I can make that. I don't think I'm the bad guy in the whole falling-out, though I'm sure you might hear different elsewhere. I made a decision, albeit hastily and out of intese rage unlike anything I've ever felt before. But even though I regret how I went about it, I have good evidance to prove that I did what was necessary, both ultimately for the sake her relationship with whats his face and for my own self-defence.

I would still like to know what she is doing in her new life. I'd at least like to keep a mutual spy relationship where we could read eachothers blogs know what the other is up to, but not comment. I've been on the other side of this before and it killed me not knowing how my friend was doing or what he was up to until he was ready to be friends with me again. I've been where my friend is and I know from experience the feelings that she's going thorugh, but that doesn't make it any easier. But with what's been said and after I learned what my role really was in her new love reationship, I don't know if we can go much beyond that. And perhaps, it just might be easier for both of us if this useless, greedy, fuct-up and annoying thorn in thier love's side, (mir) just be taken out of the picture all together.
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